More Than Partners: The Depth of the Marriage Covenant
Our postmodern society continues to redefine words, often in a subtle way where we might not notice the hidden shift or agenda. One of these concerning shifts is happening with the redefinition of marriage—both in language and in action. One of the steps towards this new liberal definition of marriage is changing spousal terminology. Today, it is common to refer to your spouse as your partner. However, this word doesn’t just apply to one’s married spouse—it can refer to a boyfriend or girlfriend, or any type of romantic relationship.
Is there anything wrong with embracing this term? After all, the word partner implies some positive ideas of working together, commitment, and equality. But in this terminology shift, culture is actually changing the focus of marriage from God’s design to a self-centered, self-pleasing view of relationships. Here’s what I mean:
God’s Design for Marriage
God designed marriage in Genesis 2. God’s creation was determined to be good, but Adam, the first man, was lonely. Genesis 2:18 says, “Then the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (ESV) A husband needs a wife, and God provided a helper by creating a woman. This certainly does not imply that the helper was weaker or less important, but it instead communicates the value of both the husband and wife in their relationship to fulfill God’s calling.
Later on in the chapter, it says, “Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:23-24, ESV) This chapter in Genesis not only introduces marriage, but shows how humans—specifically a man and a woman—have a unique relationship through marriage. Animals cannot participate in true marriage, and even other human relationships, like friendship, are not the same as a marriage relationship. The separation from one’s parents shows the deep connection that a husband and wife share, something that even their own parents do not and can not participate in. Once they are married, a husband and wife are ‘one flesh’. They are not simply partners, but have entered into a unique and intimate covenant with each other.
In Matthew 19, Jesus himself discusses marriage when questioned by the Pharisees. He said, “…Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6, ESV)
Jesus reinforced God’s design for marriage, specifically that marriage is between a man and a woman, a unique relationship where the man and the woman are ‘one flesh’. This is also intended to be a permanent union, not something that should be entered into prematurely or something that should be ended for reasons like “we don’t love each other anymore” or “it’s not working”.
An article from Crossway.com on marriage notices, “‘What God has joined together’ implies that marriage is not merely a human agreement but a relationship in which God changes the status of a man and a woman from being single (they are no longer two) to being married (one flesh). From the moment they are married, they are unified in a mysterious way that belongs to no other human relationship, having all the God-given rights and responsibilities of marriage that they did not have before.” (10 Key Bible Verses on Marriage, 2020. Crossway.com) Elsewhere, Scripture gives further instructions on marriage and descriptions of marriage roles in passages such as Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3, and Ephesians 5:22-27.
The marriage relationship, as designed by God, has so much depth, beauty, and connection! So why is it a problem to consider marriage a ‘partnership’ and one’s spouse a ‘partner’, as our world would like us to do?
More Than a Partnership
The Oxford dictionary defines partner as “1. either a pair of people engaged together in the same activity or 2. either member of a married couple or of an established unmarried couple.” Here are three concerns I have with using this term to refer to a marriage relationship:
It does not exclusively describe marriage. When used in a romantic context, the word partner does not always refer to a married couple. Many today use this term to refer to a couple in sexual, unmarried relationship. This term is also used frequently in the LGBTQ community, where many do reject traditional terms like husband and wife, because of the traditional roles those terms usually mean. Both premarital sexual relationships and LGBTQ relationships are not the same as a Biblical marriage commitment between a man and a woman, and to equate it as such would not be biblical. The commitment that a husband and wife have with each other in a Biblical marriage is distinct from two individuals who are simply living together.
It promotes a view of relationships that is casual and sort term. The word partner does not imply long term commitment. A marriage relationship, as designed by God, requires a commitment and covenant between the husband and wife where they choose to stay devoted to each other for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, etc. On the other hand, a partner is someone who might demonstrate a short term commitment to the relationship, but a partnership lacks the marriage commitment. They may walk away any time (and many do). Two individuals living together in a sexual relationship may consider themselves devoted to each other, and even have longevity and exclusivity in mind, but still lack the marriage commitment as ordained by God. The sexual revolution of the 60’s and hookup culture of the 90’s have made it clear that long-term commitment is not society’s goal. It does not come even close to communicating the same level of commitment that a marriage requires.
Biblical marriage is unique and special. The word partner cannot communicate the depth and mystery of the marriage relationship. Partner communicates some positive ideals, such as teamwork and helping each other, which are important in a marriage. Yet, a marriage is more than two people deciding to live together and split the load. During a marriage ceremony, a husband and wife recite vows to each other and in a Christian marriage, will do so to God. At a Christian wedding, the officiant usually explains biblical terms that ground a couple’s commitment to God’s design for marriage. After the marriage ceremony, I have spoken with and observed many satisfied, joyful couples who have been married for years and testify to the benefits of a godly marriage. There is a depth to the marriage union that cannot be found in couples cohabiting or in casual relationships.
I’m cautious to refer to my husband as my partner because, although he is my ‘partner’ in a lot of ways, the word carries a different idea of marriage—and sometimes, the idea of no marriage. I want to make it clear in my terminology that my husband is special and we are committed to each other. Our relationship is grounded in God’s design for marriage and we reject unbiblical, cultural ways to redefine marriage.
While I want you to think twice before using the latest cultural jargon, I also want to encourage you in your view of marriage. Treat the marriage union as the special gift that it is, and if you are married, invest in your marriage. If you have a past with sexual sin or have had a wrong view of marriage, choose to move forward with God’s design in view. Let our marriage relationships, both how we live in them and speak about them, bring glory to God.
