Helping Your Suffering Friend (Part 1)
I sat next to my friend as she wept. Only seconds ago, she had received bad news—yet another discouragement when her life was already full of trials. I was at a loss for words; I didn’t want to make the situation worse by offering unhelpful advice, and anything comforting that I could think of to say seemed trite and counterfeit.
Perhaps you can relate: it can be difficult to know how to help someone who is suffering, especially when a hurting person is confused, frustrated, and perhaps even angry with God. These emotions may make us uncomfortable and confused about how we should respond: Should we help in physical, tangible ways while remaining silent? Should we let the sufferer vent and complain? Is it wrong to challenge their thinking when they may be angry and frustrated with God? In the real life example I shared above, I desired to go a bit deeper with my friend; to truly help, to offer words that comfort and point to God’s Word, but I didn’t know where to start.
The Bible has much to say on the subject of “caring for your suffering friend”, but for my purposes I will hone in on what we learn specifically from the book of Job. Job, a righteous man, suffered the loss of his possessions, livelihood, children, health, and even his social status. These sufferings happened due to Satan’s request to “test” Job’s faith (Job 1-2).
There were three main responses to Job’s suffering from those close to Him, and from that, we can learn several principles of how we can minister to hurting people ourselves.
Job’s Wife
Principle: Encourage Honesty, Not Sin
Job 2:9-10: “Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity??” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.”
We don’t know much about Job’s wife, not even her name. The few verses that she is mentioned in Job are not favorable. Her reaction to Job’s sufferings was to urge him to deny God. While this response was sinful, we must remember that Job’s wife had also experienced pain and suffering of her own. Like Job, her life had also been destroyed and she had lost her children. While she didn’t suffer to the same extent—the Bible describes Job as also having painful physical ailments—his wife was still angry and bitter towards God. She had stopped worshipping God, and wanted Job to give into his anger and confusion by rejecting God.
How crushing it must have been to Job when his own wife encouraged him to curse God, though we know that Job did not respond as his wife suggested. Consider your closest, most intimate relationships; perhaps a spouse, another family member, or a good friend. These relationships are powerful and influential. It’s difficult to see those we love so dearly suffer; in some cases, we are also affected by suffering and it can be difficult to suffer together well. Can we suffer together, seek the Lord together, and learn to trust God together?
Thankfully, Job’s faith in God was not affected by his wife’s bitter plea. And yet that plea must have been difficult for Job to hear—one more discouragement added to his sufferings. In Job 3-37, Job has several speeches where he cries cries out, both to God and to his friends. His confusion, pain, and despair is evident. The character of Job is proof that people can be brutally honest and completely vulnerable before God. Honesty is good! However, a suffering person can also be tempted towards sinful thoughts or actions; complaining, bitterness, even anger. There is a difference between these two responses. When we have the opportunity to minister to those who are suffering, we want to avoid reinforcing sinful thoughts or habits. Job’s wife wanted Job to curse God! She should have encouraged him to bring his concerns and struggles to God, instead of getting angry at God.
What a missed opportunity Job’s wife had—a chance to encourage her husband and strengthen his trust in God. Imagine the comfort this would have brought to Job! Pain and anger only isolate, but going to God together would have strengthened and unified them both.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 reminds us of the benefit of two people working together in all aspects of life. Likewise, Galatians 6:2 reminds believers to “bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” God did not design believers to operate as lone ranger Christians; he provided units such as families and the local church to provide relationships for His people. “Together” is an encouraging word, whether it refers to a husband and wife, a close group of Christian friends, or a healthy local church.
Job’s wife missed her unique opportunity to encourage Job to hold tightly to his faith. Will we drive others away from God because of our own pain, or will we take advantage of the opportunity to suffer together and remind each other of God’s character?
Stay tuned for the next two parts to this series!
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash.
